Workplace toxicity is a problem—a glaring one that is bound to have detrimental effects on the future of work. A 2022 study by McKinsey & Company reported that toxic workplace behavior was the biggest predictor of burnout and intent to leave across 15 countries, and clocked in at over 60% of all contributing forces behind other top negative workplace outcomes.

No one seeks out a job that makes them feel anxious, unvalued, belittled, or unsafe. So, how did toxic workplace behavior become so prevalent in the professional space? And more importantly, what can we do to ameliorate workplace toxicity?

To address the first question, a disconnect between employees and employers—the latter perceiving their staff’s mental health and well-being to be far better than they are in reality—has landed us here. And to answer the second, it’s leadership’s ability to sit in discomfort.

Discomfort is, well . . . uncomfortable. Instinctively, we want to gain distance from it and so it’s not a common approach to workplace resolution. However, the act of sitting in discomfort leads to clarity that can address an organization’s challenges before they escalate to the point of negative workplace outcomes.

So, what does “sitting in discomfort” look like in a work environment? Here’s what nearly 30 years of studying the intersection of neurobiology, culture, and empathy has taught me about its practical application.

STEP 1: SLOW YOUR BREATH  

To set space for sitting in discomfort, we must first connect into our physical bodies by taking control of our breath. Deep breathing isn’t just a practice for meditation or yoga. Managers can—and should—use the science behind deep breathing to their team’s advantage.

Breathing is an innate human behavior, controlled by the autonomic nervous system, meaning we do it without thinking about it. But when we do focus on how we breathe, we promote physical changes that can shift our emotions dramatically.

The research underscoring the benefits of deep breathing is extensive. A 2018 study found that slow breathing techniques promote increased comfort, relaxation, vigor, and alertness and reduced symptoms of arousal, anxiety, depression, anger, and confusion. In contrast to deep breathing, shallow breaths—which stay in our chests—elevate sensations of stress.

Overall, deep breathing communicates safety to the nervous system. Translated into the workplace, the cadence of breath can dictate the feeling of safety or danger in a room—and Zoom is no exception.

STEP 2: CREATE TRUST WITH TACTICAL EMPATHY 

In Never Split the Difference, Chris Voss coined the term “tactical empathy” to refer to understanding others by deeply listening to them and thoughtfully considering their position. This doesn’t mean always agreeing with what we hear, but rather working toward an appreciation of the perspective of a counterpart to make them feel understood. Feeling understood ultimately leads to a sense of trust.

Understanding the needs of colleagues and direct reports allows managers to mitigate feelings of social rejection. An MIT study on the neuroscience of unmet social needs suggests that feelings of social rejection cause negative emotions, such as distress, depression, and anxiety (or, negative workplace outcomes).

Leveraging tactical empathy offers a counterpart the opportunity to express their feelings and feel understood, leading to a sense of social inclusion and safety. So, tactical empathy therefore brings forth trust—and a neurochemical move from a cortisol moment, one of the body’s stress hormones, to an oxytocin moment, or the bonding hormone.

This place of safety, trust, and equanimity is the physical state that allows us to masterfully sit in discomfort.

STEP 3: COMMUNICATE RESONANCE TO STRENGTHEN CONNECTIONS 

Resonance—the capacity to create supportive, calm, and balanced environments through verbal and nonverbal communication—also feeds into a leader’s capacity to sit in discomfort. When resonance is communicated to us, we sense that another person understands our experience and we enter into a deeper relationship. When we have this experience, feeling understood and acknowledged, the residual sense of connection generates a safe place to explore uncomfortable topics or feelings—the apex of sitting in discomfort.

Both the brain’s left hemisphere, which speaks transactionally, and the right hemisphere, rooted in relationality, are needed to communicate resonance. A manager should ask incisive questions (left hemisphere) to invite conversation, then thoughtfully engage with and encourage honest responses (right hemisphere). The combination of both brain hemispheres at work develops resonance and strengthens connection.

Step two showed us the neurobiological power of tactical empathy. But sitting in and learning from moments of discomfort are basic skills every manager must have. Without them, we overlook the root causes of workplace toxicity and perpetuate cultures that even the most empathetic leaders cannot change.