Among the many contradictions highlighting the nuances and complexities underpinning human behavior, we find the tendency to simultaneously worship humility while rewarding confidence—even when it comes in exorbitant amounts.

In other words: we keep dreaming of an idyllic world in which we’d pick leaders, managers, and politicians on the basis of their humility, while here, in the real world, we continue to mostly select them because of their overconfidence, bravado, and narcissistic tendencies.

This apparent contradiction is easy to explain. It’s precisely because we keep electing and selecting people into high status and power positions based on confidence rather than competence, that we keep reminding ourselves it would be rather useful to have humble people in charge. This, incidentally, is backed up by large-scale scientific studies.

This tension between what is and ought to be creates an interesting personal career dilemma: Should you focus on coming across as assertive, dominant, and sure of yourself, or, humble, modest, and aware of your limitations?

Although the former may come at the expense of being perceived as arrogant or entitled, the latter may come at the expense of being overlooked or ignored. For example: The person who speaks a lot during meetings, even when they have nothing to say, may be deemed annoying or obnoxious, but the person who wisely listens and stays quietly may be totally ignored.

Here’s are some straightforward recommendations, according to research.

ACQUIRE SKILLS

Before you spend even a second worrying about whether to display assertiveness or humility, remember that it’s helpful to actually have some skills or competence in the domain in question.

Of course, the right presentational style could unlock any doors, and there’s no shortage of people to illustrate the point that confidence and competence are only modestly related (about 9% overlap in any domain of ability). However, for the sake of humanity, it is advantageous to pick people on competence (how good they are) rather than confidence (how good they either think they are or pretend to be).

SHOWCASE CONFIDENCE IF YOUR AUDIENCE IS UNSKILLED

When you need to impress people who are too amateur or inexperienced to spot competence (or incompetence), you can assume that they will focus on confidence, mistaking it for actual competence. Therefore, be sure to come across as assertive, determined, and unaware of your limitations. This will probably be contagious.

SHOWCASE HUMILITY IF YOUR AUDIENCE IS SKILLED

When your audience is savvy, to the point of being able to disentangle style from substance, and pick up the right indicators of talent, then try to come across as humble. This will even help you make up for certain deficits in actual competence.

Once people are able to judge your competence they will be interested in understanding and knowing your style, including how you evaluate yourself. With that, assuming you are being compared to someone who is equally as competent as you, coming across as less overconfident or arrogant than them will be your asset.

MODERATION IS PREFERRED

Traits and behavioral disposition are less beneficial when manifested in extremis. This is counterintuitive, because it indicates, that more often than not, it is better to be average than to have even too much of a good thing.

Showing a bit of humility can be useful, but if you show too much, you may come across as fake, insecure, or lacking in self-awareness. Likewise, a bit of confidence may help to accentuate your competence, but if you show too much it could even eclipse it, focusing people on your vanity, self-adulation, and abrasiveness. In short, with the exception of moderation, everything is better in moderation.

A final point to remember: Despite the popularity of authenticity, encapsulated in premises such as “Stop worrying about what others think of you,” “If you think you are great, you are,” and “Believe in yourself no matter what,” the stark reality is that people are generally rewarded when they do worry about what others think of them, which helps them adjust their behavior and manage their reputation accordingly.

Although believing in yourself is generally a very comforting and pleasant feeling, individuals who acquire skill and expertise in any area are actually able to avoid high levels of self-belief unless they can back it up with actual skill and expertise.

While it isn’t so easy to mutate our levels of self-belief or self-confidence so that they are astronomically high—which, given the surplus of people who already think too highly of themselves, is a good thing—there is thankfully no evidence of any causal effects causing high confidence to translate into high competence.

Sure, if you are pathologically insecure you may not even attempt to get better at something or develop skills. But the feeling that you are better than you actually are tends to inhibit learning and development. After all, why should I worry about getting better when I already feel that I’m great?

Extraordinary achievers in any field, particularly when their achievements are deserved (as opposed to the result of privilege, nepotism, or societal biases or ignorance), will often show a combination. They’ll display internal humility, which stops them from believing their own hype, and motivates them to continue their hard work to get better, and strive towards perfection. They’ll also present with external confidence, so even those who are unable to evaluate competence can be impressed by their apparent command in the pertinent area of knowledge, talent, or expertise.

Those who genuinely believe that their achievements can speak for themselves should wake up to the reality that, unless they are Serena Williams, Miles Davis, or Albert Einstein, that mantra will almost certainly ensure that their talents fade into oblivion. Their career success will be eclipsed by those of many other, less talented but more socially and politically astute individuals who will effectively manage their reputation.

We live in a world in which all style and no substance will get you farther than no style and all substance. It would be nice if it were the other way around. Until then, ensuring that people who are both confident and humble get ahead more than those who aren’t would bring tremendous progress to the world and human civilization.