I am an introverted person who feels shy at events. Early in my career, I found conferences to be so overwhelming that I’d sometimes just hide in the bathroom, go into an anxious spiral of fear and guilt, and then try to convince myself to get out and talk to at least one person. Watching how other people seemed to enjoy these events and easily talk to everyone made me think something was wrong with me. The truth is that 36% of young people have anxiety. But knowing that didn’t make networking any easier.

However, networking is an important skill, and connections help drive your career and bring new opportunities. Research shows that people who network often tend to have higher compensation, get promoted more, and have greater career satisfaction.

As a business owner, I have to constantly build my network and go to various events. Over time, I’ve developed a set of mechanisms to help me be effective at attending such functions—and even enjoy them. After four years in New York, I’ve been to over a hundred events and landed several deals with many reputable partners and clients that resulted in significant revenues for my company.

Pre-event mindset

A long time ago, I used to pressure myself by thinking things like, I have to find a client … or … I have to land a partnership deal. This only made me more anxious. What helped is when I switched my goal to enjoying the event, meeting interesting people, learning new things, and making new friends. This made me more relaxed and, thus, more willing to be open and talk to people.

A study from Harvard Business School also found that those who relabeled their preperformance anxiety as “excitement” did better than those who tried to calm down.

Event prep

If I’m attending  a big conference, I research who is attending and set up meetings in advance. When I reach out to people, I always try to find an angle of how I can help a person, as opposed to just suggesting a meeting without an agenda. Since I run a PR firm, I usually check the latest news happening with the company, come up with ideas on how to amplify their brand, and suggest that we discuss it. Here is an example of the LinkedIn message that secured a meeting.

“Hi [Name],

Nice to e-meet you! Love how [Company] is doing comms, and congrats on the recent news with [Recent news].

Will you be at [Conference]? Would love to chat and see if there is any way we can help expand the coverage (i.e., to additional local regions like LatAm). I have been in the space from 2013, ex-Cointelegraph CEO, and now have a comms agency. Always happy to connect with female leaders in the space.

Having a scheduled meeting is much less stressful than randomly wandering around the conference and approaching strangers. Several studies have found that having a structured plan before a social event helps to reduce anxiety and improve perceived social competence.

Know how to introduce yourself

Have a prepared intro tailored to the agenda of the event. Understand the attendee profile and think how you can help them. Focus on the result you can deliver rather than what you do. Instead of “I run a consulting firm that specializes in strategic advisory,” try “I help companies reduce customer churn by identifying early warning signs in their data.” The specificity gives people an immediate mental hook.

Career centers at MIT, Princeton, and similar institutions all recommend having a 30- to 60-second “elevator pitch” that highlights actions and results, not just job titles. Instead of saying you run a consultancy, you can say you help companies reduce churn by looking at early warning signs in their data. The more specific you can be, the better.

A side note on your facial expressions: Since I’m from Eastern Europe, I tend to look very serious if I’m not paying attention. That does not help when you want to connect with people. If you just start smiling, people smile back and start talking to you first.

Out-of-the-box conversations

At the events, 90% of people tend to ask similar questions that drive the same conversations over and over again—which makes people tired and, ultimately, bored. Arrive prepared with a list of questions that will drive conversation in an unpredictable direction, making you stand out.

Instead of “What do you do?,” ask “What was the most exciting thing that happened to you this week?” Have some fun facts or stories to tell that would be relevant to the event. Another great way to be remembered is to let people know how they make you feel (“I love your energy!” or “I love how open you are!”).

Be present

This one might sound a bit esoteric, but it’s a game changer. When you are in your head too much, it builds a wall between you and other people. If you start internal dialogues with yourself too much, people will sense it. Neuroimaging work shows that when people feel actively listened to, it activates reward-related brain regions, resulting in more positive emotions toward the listener. Practice being focused on the person you are talking to, and you will have better outcomes.

Figure out what you can give people

Find out what the goals are of the people you talk to, and think about how you can help them. Give exact examples of ways you could work together or what kind of intros you could make for them. Networking is about giving. Based on Wharton Business School professor and author Adam Grant’s work on reciprocity styles, people who are natural givers help others without immediate expectation of having the favor returned, tend to build broader and more supportive networks, and, over time, often end up among the most successful in their fields.

Follow up and follow through

I am shocked by how rarely people follow up after an event unless they’re trying to make a straight sale. This habit definitely needs discipline, but it’s how you build a reputation as “the person who follows through.”

Take notes on the people you meet, what you talked about, and what they needed. That way, you can create better follow-ups after the event and increase the likelihood of a reply.

Follow up and, based on your notes, let the person know how you can help. If you suggested making an intro, make that intro.

All of this takes practice and positive reinforcement. Over time, you will learn that people love it when you approach them and ask questions. They love talking about themselves. Even now, I sometimes fall into my old patterns and find myself hiding in the corners or wanting to leave early. Don’t beat yourself up over that. It’s a long, continuous journey, and the key is just to continue. Consistency is the key to success.