How an absent manager hurts employees

In my experience coaching senior leaders with absentee bosses, I’ve seen firsthand the damage they can do.

Take Rob, a managing director at a top-tier global professional services firm. Rob’s boss, a powerful partner at the firm, provided Rob with no direction or guidance when it came to his work or career. In addition, he didn’t respond to his emails or calls and provided no feedback to Rob other than an occasional verbal “lashing.” Unsurprisingly, this left Rob dissatisfied, managing his teams in the dark, and deeply concerned about how to make it to the next level in his career.

Another client, Jana, served as the global head of a business unit within one of the world’s largest financial institutions. Her business unit was part of a recent acquisition, and her formerly supportive boss, concerned about his standing in the new company, shut her out and now appeared to be threatened by her. He became unresponsive and created barriers to her integration within the new company, disinviting her from meetings where she should have played a substantial role. He also attempted to restrict her travel to network with other leaders at the company.

bsentee bosses represent the extreme and worst of laissez-faire leadership. Your boss is arguably the one person in your company with the most influence over your future promotion. Not knowing whether they will advocate for you when opportunities come up, plus not being able to connect regularly to make your case, can complicate your advancement potential.

How to deal with an absentee boss

Performing well in your job and growing as an employee when your boss is effectively absent presents a unique dilemma. But if you follow these strategies in managing up and increasing your organizational value in their absence, you‘ll have a better shot at controlling your career destiny.

1. Determine if it’s just you.

If your boss has other direct reports besides you, talk with these peers to see what their experience has been with your manager. You may find that they feel the same way you do. Is it possible that there are extenuating circumstances that have contributed to their behaviors? It doesn’t solve the problem of a missing boss, but it can help make a challenging situation feel easier if you see that it’s not personal. And if you do discover it’s just you, this is good information.

2. Assume your manager has positive intent.

Shift to an empathic mindset, imagining what it would be like if you were in your boss’s place. Have there been recent changes within the company or in some other aspect of their life that may partially explain the situation? If your boss is pulled in a thousand different directions, for instance, constantly asking for advice or reassurance is going to be alienating.

For example, one executive Nihar Chhaya worked with had a friendly relationship with his boss who supported his career growth as well. But because his boss was highly introverted, not particularly ambitious, and wasn’t very plugged into networks across the organization, any discussions with him about career development were generally limited in value. The more this executive tried to request his mentorship and support for a lateral or upward move, the more his boss began to politely deflect to other topics.

You probably got a sense of your boss’s style when you interviewed, says career expert Vicky Oliver, author of Bad Bosses, Crazy Coworkers & Other Office Idiots. Think back: Was your interview succinct and to the point or did you get a window where your supervisor was truly focused on the conversation without interruption. How do they like to communicate—text, email, or Skype? Is their style rapid-fire or thoughtful?

3. Make clear, specific requests to your boss.

Amy Cooper Hakim, founder of management consultancy Cooper Strategic Group, and author of Working with Difficult People: Handling the Ten Types of Problem People Without Losing Your Mind suggests that you keep a running list of questions, concerns, or needs, then ask for exactly what you need to get those needs met when you have your manager’s attention. When your boss knows the specifics of what you’re asking for and how long it will take, they’re more likely to both make the time and be prepared with the information and resources you need, she says.

And if you have one half hour a week where you get the face-time you need, Oliver says, you’d better be prepared. Think about the time you have and how your boss prefers to interact, then work on asking for what you need accordingly, she says. And always continue to document your successes so you have a record of how you’re developing and driving results, which you can show to your boss when the time is right.

Whenever Rob needed to catch his boss’s attention, for example, he’d send an email with “RESPONSE REQUIRED” in all caps in the subject line. He would make an explicit time-bound request for the support he needed. Here’s an example of what he would say: “I need you to review and approve this contract/presentation by Friday or we will not meet the client’s deadline.”

You’ll also need to be persistent in your follow-up. Don’t expect to stop at just one email. Be opportunistic about stating the case for what you need when you happen to see your boss. This may seem extremely frustrating, but it beats the alternative of having their absenteeism impede your ability to make progress and deliver results.

4. Meet your boss where they are.

In working to bridge the gap between you and your absent boss, it helps to recognize whether the separation is geographical, caused by a lack of emotional connection and trust, or a mix of the two.

If you are traditionally close to your boss on a personal level, but suddenly a new remote work environment or some other shift has made it difficult to connect, try suggesting a weekly or bi-weekly call. This arrangement can ensure a steady work rhythm and maintain your visibility in a way that doesn’t overly burden their schedule.

In those calls, accommodate your boss’s style by noticing the moments where they are more engaged and less so. It can help to proactively offer help on the things that they need most immediately, and then introduce longer-term issues like your career development.

For instance, if you can tell from their mannerisms that they’re impatient, match their pace by speeding up and being concise. You may ask them, “I don’t want to take up too much of your time, what’s the most important thing I can do this week to ease your burden?”

Then when you sense they are inviting you in mentally, you can say, “by the way, as we are reaching the next quarter, I wanted to run something by you around my development plan; can we arrange a chat at your convenience?” By seeking first to understand their tendencies and meet them where they are, you’re in a better position to ask for their support on your career goals because you created a sense of comfort and reliability first.

If the distance between you is more of a lack of connection, it’s important to activate your emotional intelligence and communicate with self-awareness and curiosity, rather than the typical small talk.

As research from Harvard Business School shows, physical closeness in organizations isn’t always possible, but for healthy, productive teams, mental and emotional proximity is essential. The way to reduce the psychological distance between you and your boss is to create conversations that foster, among other things, intimacy and intentionality.

This means that you must take the responsibility to initiate interactions that enable deeper exchanges of trust-building, listening without judgment and gently guiding your manager to consider things they may not readily see but that ultimately will make their job and life easier. One way to do this is to think ahead about the challenges they will face, and offer to help with no expectations about how they will respond.

You should also try to stay on their radar in non-intrusive ways that further the dialogue and convey a sense of care without a personal agenda. For instance, reach out and check in on them, just to acknowledge their impact on you or the team and ask if they need anything. If they aren’t responsive to your occasional efforts at reaching out, leverage the moments after scheduled team meetings to follow up with them on issues of importance and how you’ll deliver on action steps.

5. Step into the void.

Nature hates a vacuum, so see how you can use your boss’s absenteeism to step into a higher level of responsibility and hone your leadership skills. As you step up to lead, keep your boss informed so that you can make decisions to keep moving ahead. Email is your friend here. For example, Jana would let her boss know: “I will be moving forward with this decision on Monday unless I hear from you that you prefer another course of action.” Or: “I saw that this was a problem and I am planning on addressing it with a sub-team later this week. Let me know if you have any concerns and/or thoughts you would like us to consider.”

This is a moment for you to go beyond your own needs for validation in the absence of your boss and embody the leadership role you want to advance into anyway. So first, make sure you don’t let your performance slip. Remember that someday your boss may move on, or you will, so how they are acting shouldn’t dictate your commitment to your role and the company.

But at this moment, and provided your boss doesn’t feel insecure or threatened by your initiative, you may be able to demonstrate even more value to him despite the distance. Increase your presence with the team to improve cohesion. Be the cheerleader they need for connection and momentum. Of course, keep your boss informed every step of the way, but offer your help and time to keep everyone in a state of harmony and efficiency.

6. Be bold.

Oliver says that you need to remember that you were hired for a reason and you’re there to add value. So, pipe up in meetings with good suggestions. Think about what you believe your boss would do—and do it. Sometimes, you just need to take action and let your gut and good sense guide you. And, for better or worse, you’re going to get feedback, she says.

“When you add value, people are going to tell you how they feel. Even if it isn’t your boss, it could be somebody else who’s important there that will tell you how they feel about your ideas. Then the trick is to try to take the feedback, even negative feedback, grow and learn,” she says.

7. Develop your internal network.

When you’ve got an absentee boss, you sometimes need to take matters into your own hands and create your own support system, Hakim says. Look for development opportunities and people who can help you both in your organization, in professional groups, and through your network. If your organization offers a mentoring program, join it. “You shouldn’t close your window so much that you’re only looking at that person who directly supervises you,” she says. There are people who can help you all around you. It’s just a matter of finding them.

Find the office know-it-all, Oliver says, and the person who might have held your job before you and gotten a promotion. You may find other mentors or people who simply know the company ropes and can give you insight and feedback, she says. “It’s important to be able to cultivate mentors and turn people into mentors who don’t necessarily expect it.” And if you’re new to the role or company, use that to your advantage. You typically have a few months of grace period where people are happy to help out the new person.

8. Be prepared to look elsewhere.

Quitting when you have a bad boss can be hard for many reasons. But if you’ve done what you can to salvage the situation and things haven’t improved, it may be time to look for opportunities elsewhere. Lynda Gratton, professor at the London Business School, recommends employees ask themselves two questions: “Am I working at a place that will keep me healthy? Am I working at a place that will help me learn?” Use these questions as a litmus test: If you can’t check both those boxes in your current situation, you may be best served by finding someplace elsewhere you can. Ultimately, Jana concluded it would be best to move on and is now happily working at a new organization with a more supportive and engaged boss.

If you find yourself with an absentee boss, the unfortunate truth is that it will be on you to make the situation better for yourself. In the corporate world, those who get promoted to leadership positions aren’t always suited to managing people. Hoping your boss will change will likely be a waste of time.

Accept your feelings about the situation, and drum up the energy to employ the above strategies to succeed in your current role. And if that doesn’t work, put your energy toward looking for a position that will give you the opportunity to thrive.

Nihar Chhaya and Gwen Moran also contributed writing, reporting, and/or advice to this article and a previous version.