- | 10:00 am
The real reason we’re having a hard time moving past COVID
A psychologist with a front row seat to the emotional fallout from the pandemic says what we are seeing is driven by something that isn’t obvious.
Although the pandemic is technically winding down in the U.S., many people are still struggling to make the transition back to a more normal rhythm of life.
As people return to the office, almost 63% report that the pandemic has changed them forever according to the 2022 APA Stress in America Poll. High rates of stress and burnout are prevalent, challenging companies to pour energy into addressing the psychological well-being of employees.
People are changing jobs, demanding input into where they work, or simply refusing to have work consume as large a portion of their lives. We are hearing of The Great Resignation and Quiet Quitting, potentially signaling a sea change in the attitudes Americans have toward work in this post-pandemic era.
Some view these changes as resistance and believe people need to be pushed back into their pre-pandemic jobs. Others wonder if we are actually seeing an attempt to renegotiate the entire nature of work in our society.
What’s going on? Don’t people understand COVID is not as threatening anymore? Why can’t they just get back to work and move on?
As a psychologist, I have had a front row seat to the emotional fallout from the pandemic. I’ve literally talked about COVID every single work day since March 2020. And, I will tell you that much of what we are seeing is driven by something that is not so obvious: psychological safety.
UNDERSTANDING OUR BRAIN’S DEEPEST NEED
The human brain literally scans for safety four times per second. It’s how we stay alive when we suddenly find ourselves in a life-threatening situation. When a threat is detected, the body responds lightning fast to move us out of harm’s way.
Think about the last time you somehow narrowly escaped a car accident, and you will know what I’m talking about.
Safety is our deepest need.
And yet, how many times in the shadow of the invisible enemy we call COVID-19 did our brains detect threat? Additionally, we became more isolated, even trapped, without any clear end in sight. Based on what neuroscience tells us, this is the perfect recipe for triggering the deepest level of fear in the brain.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, media and politics played a pivotal role in stoking more fear through a steady toxic diet of misinformation and negativity.
The reality is that most people in the U.S. have some immunity to COVID-19 through vaccination or by surviving illness.
But “Houston, we have a problem.”
At some gut level, we are not all convinced it’s safe. Even though people are acting like it’s over. Even though the CDC says to remove masks. Even though the President, physicians, and public health officials reassure us we will be fine now.
Do we dare trust any of them?
It’s not that easy.
DEACTIVATING THE THREAT RESPONSE
We want to move on. We really do.
But we’ve been through a lot. Some of us have lost loved ones and never got to say goodbye. Others suffered illness, lost jobs, or got divorced. Healthcare professionals, teachers, bus drivers, grocery store employees, and delivery drivers never stopped working and literally risked their lives on a daily basis.
We’ve missed each other so much.
And, we are absolutely exhausted.
The truth is that removing an outside threat is insufficient for us to feel safe enough to resume business as normal. We’re not wired that way.
Knowing you’re safe is very different from feeling safe. And we’re not fully going to move forward until we feel safe deep down in our bones. We have been changed by what we just went through.
That’s the good news and the bad news.
It’s the hard times in life that teach us the most important lessons about what truly matters. Maybe, that’s why people want to make sure work doesn’t get in the way of time with loved ones. Perhaps, that realization is the real reason people are leaving employers who no longer meet their needs or disappointed them during the pandemic.
FINDING OUR WAY FORWARD
It’s been a long journey, and we will eventually find our way back to a state of ease.
Removing the real risks posed by COVID-19 has been the first step. You must then actively show people it is safe.
Here are a few things employers can do to speed up that process:
- Continue keeping people safe. Send a clear, reassuring message that you are deeply committed to keeping your employees safe. Encourage them to use masks if they want to, and let them know you are interested in hearing about any of their safety concerns. You never know whose health your employees are trying to protect: themselves, immunocompromised children, vulnerable grandparents. Make it easy for them to do so.
- Lead with steadiness and optimism. Not everyone is feeling hopeful right now. Many are actually stressed out or shut down. Because emotions can be contagious, it is important to make sure you are in the right emotional state to lead. You can quickly find out which of the three states of the nervous system you are in right now by taking an assessment.
- Acknowledge reality or risk alienating people. People are tired and struggling. Embrace it. Don’t ignore it, or people will look for a way out. Factor that in when setting expectations, and try to be as flexible as possible.
- Give ample time for recovery and rest. This means encouraging workers to leave on time and take time off when they are having a hard day. Recovering from an extended period of stress does not happen overnight.
- Provide low-threat opportunities for social interaction. Take time to say “Hello” to people during Zoom meetings. Suggest a quick in-person meeting. Share some cake for a birthday celebration. Keep it light, and ease back into safe connection.
- Be compassionate. Some people were not just dealing with COVID; they had other hard things on their plates. People are in different places coming out of the pandemic. Be sensitive to their needs to the degree possible.
- Give people choices to empower them. People have felt an incredible loss of control over the past few years. Some have lost confidence and need to rebuild a sense that they can influence what happens to them. Choice about where or when they work is one way to empower them.
- Communicate, communicate, communicate . . . but only the truth. People need transparency to regain trust. We need words to line up with actions. The emotional alarm system doesn’t turn off if you’re saying one thing and doing another.
- Include everyone. The racial strife and violent political rhetoric of the past few years has led many people to be more guarded in public. Make sure your company is visibly aligned with inclusion of people from all walks of life.
- Disseminate information about how to access mental health benefits. We’re all grieving the opportunities that the pandemic may have taken. However, some people are literally still grieving the loss of moms, dads, children, grandparents, or close friends. Some people will need professional mental health services to support them in healing. Make it easy for them to find out where to get help.
LOOKING FOR GIFTS
The late poet, Mary Oliver, once wrote:
“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”
Facing adversity is hard, especially when we have minimal control over what will happen. However, it is precisely in these moments in life that we are gifted with deep wisdom about what really matters.
Those of us who have survived this pandemic, must remember that life really is a gift we should not squander. Meaningful work is certainly an essential part of life. But we know, it’s not all of it. We feel safest when we are connected to each other. Without that connection, life doesn’t mean much.
Recovering from the pandemic and feeling safe again will require compassion, patience, grace, humility, and most importantly, love. My hope is that in the shadow of the pandemic, we do our very best to gently help each other reconnect and feel safe again.