Being shamed or being humiliated at work is toxic and can cause long-lasting emotional damage to the individual that has been subjected to it. Shaming others can also damage the overall culture of an organization.

It is important to understand that shaming is different from being criticized for something someone, or a team, did or didn’t do. Legitimate criticism sticks to performance issues, the work needing to be done, and team cooperation. This type of feedback should feel like it is intended to help resolve issues that have come up.

Humiliation, on the other hand, feels like a personal attack. Examples of shaming can include being publicly reprimanded, name-calling, inappropriate jokes or comments that put down others or target certain groups, negative rumors, ignoring, and/or making fun of someone’s ideas and contributions.

Tonya Comer, author of In High Heels on a Ladder: The 7 Power Tools for Designing Your Life, has developed a model for evolving through shame. “There is an underlining reason why a person feels the need to perform shaming acts, and there is an underlining reason why the one who is shamed may be impacted in a detrimental way,” she explains. “As incomprehensible as it can be on both ends of the experience, we act and react based on the emotional residue of past traumas.”

Whether the perpetrator’s intention was to shame or not, the results can have devastating consequences for the person being shamed. Not only can it decrease the person’s motivation, productivity, and job satisfaction, but also can affect their emotional and mental well-being.

If you have been in the workplace for a considerable length of time, you may have experienced or witnessed some form of shaming. Here are some ideas for how you can handle it effectively.

RECOGNIZE IT FOR WHAT IT IS AND DON’T DOWNPLAY IT

It can be easy to dismiss shaming behavior by telling ourselves that it’s just the way this person is and to let it slide. However, we are not doing ourselves or the perpetrator any favors by not calling them out on their behaviors. Not challenging them sends the message that this behavior is okay and they can continue with it. Many organizations have policies against these types of bullying workplace behaviors, but they may not enforce or take them seriously. Still, it is important to make ourselves aware of these policies when it comes to confronting shaming behavior.

ALLOW SOME TIME AND SPACE BETWEEN THE INCIDENT AND YOUR RESPONSE

While it is important to respond, it is not always wise to do so immediately after an event—when our emotions are running high. Sometimes, we need to get away from the situation to give it some time, and to talk to trusted colleagues and friends to get some unbiased feedback and other viewpoints. Document only what happened, sticking to the facts, such as what was said, when, and by whom. This is particularly important when we are dealing with someone who has authority over us, such as supervisors and managers.

SPEAK TO THE PERSON IN PRIVATE USING “I” STATEMENTS

When we are feeling calm and in control of our emotions, we can ask to meet the offender in private. Stick to what they said and how it made you feel, using “I” statements. Leave out any judgments of them as a person or any inferences as to why you think they said and acted as they did. It may be that this person is known for this type of abusive behavior, or it was a one-off where they acted on the spur of the moment without thought given to their words or actions. Ask yourself if it is possible that they were unaware of the effect that their words or actions would have on others. In my book, Emotional Intelligence Game Changers: 101 Simple Ways to Win at Work and Life, I refer to circumstances where it is important to leave some time and space before tackling emotionally charged issues.

LOOK FOR SUPPORT

If addressing the issue directly has not resolved the situation, I recommend looking for support. Finding people who you respect among your colleagues, family, and friends can help offset any of the long-term impacts that being humiliated at work can have. Realizing that you are not alone and that many people have been, or will be, subjected to this at some point will help you take back some of your power.

REMEMBER YOUR RIGHTS, AND TAKE STEPS TO PRESERVE YOUR DIGNITY

Always remember that you deserve to work in a place that treats you with respect and dignity. If you feel you are not being heard, or taken seriously, take the issue up the chain of command. Whether or not you feel satisfied with the results in the end, you will know you did everything you could. Your actions could prevent someone in the future from going through what you did. If you have to leave the organization, you can do so with your dignity intact.

KNOW WHEN TO LEAVE

If, despite your actions, nothing happens and all signs point to the conclusion that shaming behavior is an engrained and accepted practice in the organization, you may have to consider looking for opportunities elsewhere. We spend a significant amount of our lives at work, and staying in a toxic environment for a long time can have a detrimental effect on our mental and physical well-being, even though we may not be aware of it when we’re in it.