If you pursue perfection, you’re not alone. Perfectionism has increased over the last 25 years, across all age groups, according to a study of over 41,000 people published in Psychological Bulletin. Researchers have suggested that perfectionism has increased because of the effects of social media and all the comparisons we make to others—as well as our increasingly competitive work environments.

But even if perfectionism is increasing, there are ways to manage it and avoid its negative effects. Here’s how you can get beyond your perfectionist tendencies and the negative consequences it creates.

THE NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES OF PERFECTIONISM

In order to address perfectionism, you have to understand its range of impacts. For instance, you can have a healthy emphasis on perfection. This is typically called “personal strivings” perfectionism by researchers and is characterized by high standards and associated with conscientiousness, self-esteem, and lower levels of depression.

On the other hand, negative perfectionism is the result of unrealistically high standards and highly critical evaluations of yourself. Negative perfectionism typically involves feeling like you must be completely without flaws and also feeling as though you never measure up.

Research suggests that with negative perfectionism, you tend to believe things are outside of your control, have strong needs for approval from others, and have fears about other people’s negative evaluations of your work. When you are dealing with negative perfectionism, you may also magnify failure. And you may believe you have failed when others wouldn’t agree.

When you obsess about letting yourself or others down, overthink, or hold yourself to impossibly high standards, you are likely to feel burnout, depression, and anxiety. Researchers from the U.K have found that negative perfectionism can even reduce your longevity. And in addition to being highly linked with depression, perfectionism is also connected with eating disorders, anxiety, and schizophrenia.

Perfectionism can also leave you feeling demotivated because you’re not sure your work will ever be good enough. In this way, perfectionism can be self-sabotaging, making it difficult to show up, perform and engage at work or at home.

THE SIGNS OF PERFECTIONISM

People often think of perfectionists as straight-laced or uptight. Sometimes this is the way perfectionism arises. But perfectionism can appear in many other ways as well.

For instance, perfectionists may procrastinate or struggle with follow up because they are putting off tasks in the fear that they won’t do them perfectly. Perfectionists can also  come across as being insecure or needy—because they are looking for reassurance, recognition, or validation from others.

Simultaneously, perfectionists may seem arrogant or egotistical—especially if they have unrealistically high standards of others. And while perfectionists may seem aloof because they distance themselves from others because they feel they don’t measure up, perfectionists can also be funny and charming. For instance, perfectionists may make self-deprecating jokes to deal with their feelings of inferiority.

And ultimately, perfectionists may seem just like typical coworkers. Theym may privately struggle for perfection while they’re also striving to be ideal colleagues. Perfectionism can appear in a range of ways. The key is to understand when it is unhelpful or unhealthy.

HOW TO OVERCOME PERFECTIONISM

So how can you overcome perfectionism? It turns out that cultivating self-compassion has a significantly positive effect, based on research published in the journal of Learning & Individual Differences. Here’s how you can cultivate the self-compassion necessary to address unhealthy perfectionism.

1. THINK DIFFERENTLY

One way to reduce negative perfectionism is to manage your thought process. Remind yourself that you don’t have to be perfect, and adopt a mantra that “excellence is enough,” or “continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.”

Tell yourself that you are okay, that your performance is sufficient, and that you don’t have to be perfect. Also, realize that your standards are likely higher than others’, and you can perform at a level you consider to be just adequate but that others will likely perceive as outstanding.

Another way to manage your self-critical thoughts is to adopt a growth mindset. If you don’t perform as well as you’d like, instead of concluding that you’re just not good enough, consider how you can respond. You can learn a new skill, you can develop your capabilities, or you can expend more effort.

All of these point to your ability to continuously improve and grow, rather than believing you have a static set of capabilities that is never good enough.

2. FEEL YOUR EMOTIONS

Your instinct may be to repress negative emotions of failure, fear, or criticism. However, you’ll likely get through the difficulty faster if you lean into the feelings. Take your time to experience bad feelings, take a deep breath, and accept where you are. Do your best to simply feel your emotions without judging them or yourself.

By accepting the experiences you’re having, you can actually create space to move beyond them—and plan for how you’ll respond.

3. BE KIND

In addition to taking time to experience your feelings, another key element of self-compassion is to respond to yourself (and others) with kindness. Sometimes it can help to consider how you would treat someone else, because we can tend to be kinder to others than to ourselves sometimes.

Being kind to yourself means being forgiving and giving yourself grace. In addition, you can be patient with yourself, as well as tolerant. Be gentle and use kind words when you speak to yourself. You should also be understanding and non-judgmental when things don’t go your way. Explain to yourself why you did what you did and reassure yourself about your experience.

Another element of kindness is gratitude. Appreciate your attempts, your concern for excellence, the skills you possess, and your ability to grow.

4. CONSIDER OTHERS

You can also overcome perfectionism by recognizing that your feelings are very common, and you’re not alone. No one is perfect. Everyone has faults. Everyone can do better sometimes. Recognizing common experiences is an element of self-compassion as well.

Unfortunately, perfectionism can be isolating and exacerbate loneliness if you feel distanced from others because you don’t believe you measure up, or because they don’t measure up to your standards. By empathizing and focusing on what others are also going through—and realizing you’re not alone—you can reduce the negative effects of perfectionism.

Confiding in a close friend is also helpful. Share your struggles and ask them to give you honest feedback. When you have a close ally who is clear about where you can do better, you’re also more likely to trust their perspectives when they tell you where you’ve succeeded as well.

And when you offer support to others, you also contribute to your own mental health. Being in community and relationships contributes to happiness and fulfillment.

5. MANAGE YOUR WORK

And finally, you can reduce perfectionism by managing your work. Set deadlines so that you are less likely to overwork things and more likely to finish tasks. You may never get it to be perfect, but with deadlines, you’re more likely to get it done.

You can also be selective about where to put your effort. Perfectionism is exacerbated when you strive for idyllic results on absolutely everything. The alternative is to choose the areas that are most critical and put more energy into those, while you’re intentional about the things you’ll do well or well enough.

You can also work with others and ensure that you’re aligning on the tasks at hand. Have a teammate take on something that they’re better at, while you own the tasks where you excel. Aligning responsibilities with talents can reduce stress and overwork—and make the going easier for everyone.

Perfectionism can lead to depression, distance, and discontent. But by recognizing your own challenges and taking steps to approach things in new ways, you empower yourself and get better at being imperfect. And this can make all the difference to your happiness, wellbeing, and effectiveness.