“[One] study found that up to 91% of people, at some point in their life, get ‘purpose anxiety,’ meaning this idea around purpose causes frustration, stress, and even depression,” he says. “This is a paradox, and it means that we are probably getting purpose wrong.”

‘Big P’ vs. ‘Little P’ Purpose

Grumet defines purpose in two distinct ways: “big P” purpose and “little P” purpose. One is associated with anxiety and depression, and the other is associated with health, happiness, and longevity.

“Big P purpose is a big audacious purpose that’s often goal-oriented,” he says. “It’s becoming a billionaire, becoming president, traveling to Mars, or curing cancer. This is what society tells us we should be looking at as purpose. If you can dream it, you can build it.”

The problem with big P purpose is that it’s difficult and involves a scarcity mindset. For example, only one person can become president, which means everyone else fails. Little P purpose, however, is the opposite. Instead of focusing on big goals, you focus on the process of doing things you like.

“There are a million things you could enjoy doing that you would love,” says Grumet. “Little P purpose is abundance mindset-oriented, and it’s almost impossible to fail.”

While most people think you need to find your purpose, Grumet says you actually build or create it. “Purpose is all about action,” he says. “Think about the inklings or beckonings that come to you that you can pursue. Then build a world of purpose around them. I call those purpose anchors.”

There are four ways to uncover your little P purpose.

Do a life review

To get started, Grumet recommends conducting a life review. In his work in hospice, Grumet asks patients to review their lives, their most important moments, scariest moments, biggest achievements, biggest failures, and regrets.

When you’re dying, you likely don’t have the time and energy to deal with regrets. If you’re healthy, though, you do. Grumet suggests asking yourself, “If I was going to die tomorrow, what would I regret never having the energy, courage or time to pursue?” “Turn that regret around and build a life of purpose around it,” he says.

Subtract the things you dread

Another way to find your purpose is through the art of subtraction. This is especially powerful if you don’t love your job. “Break down everything you do at work, all your tasks and all your responsibilities, and take a pencil and start slashing away everything you don’t like and see if there’s anything left,” says Grumet.

Grumet did this in his own life. A full-time practicing doctor, he realized that he didn’t enjoy being in the clinic, the hospital, and the nursing home. “There was one thing I loved every weekend, and that was going to my hospice meetings,” he says. “I started getting rid of all those things I didn’t like and started using hospice as a purpose anchor.”

Revert to your childhood

Another exercise you can do is to consider the joys you had in childhood. “What did your room look like when you were a child?” asks Grumet. “What were the trophies? What were the posters? What were the drawings?”

As we get older, society tells us who we’re supposed to be, and social media or marketing tell us what we’re supposed to strive for. Let go of outside influences and rediscover your inner child.

“Kids know what they innately like and often pursue purpose without big goals—and they do it joyfully,” says Grumet. “Go back to what you enjoyed as a child and use that as a purpose anchor.”

Use the spaghetti method

Finally, Grumet suggests using the spaghetti method. “If nothing else works, throw a bunch of things against the wall and see what sticks,” he says.

For example, say “yes” to things you normally would say “no” to. Hang out with new people. Do things that are slightly uncomfortable.

“If you find that you enjoy that day, maybe that activity can be the beginning of a purpose anchor that you can build a life of purpose around,” says Grumet.

The key to purpose anchors and versions of purpose is that there are no major rules. Purpose can last a week, a month, a year, or a lifetime. It can impact the world, like working at a soup kitchen, but it doesn’t necessarily have to.

“You have to enjoy the process of what you’re doing,” says Grumet. “It can be almost anything. And if it happens to be a profession and you enjoy it, you’re lucky. A lot of us have found, though, that when we make our purpose or passion something we get paid money for, it sometimes kills the internal motivation.”