People like to be liked. It’s human nature: We crave connection and relationships, and we enjoy the affirmation and ego boost that results from knowing that other people enjoy being around us.

What if I told you that there’s a golden opportunity, which most of us are presented with quite often, that allows people to become more likable.

And what if I added that people with high emotional intelligence learn to use certain phrases in these situations that have the effect of making them more charismatic.

It all has to do with seizing the chance to help people think through problems, and giving truly helpful advice. Let’s jump right into three of the phrases, why they work, and why people with high emotional intelligence know to use them.

1. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU SHOULD DO?

Honestly, if you read no further, and you simply start asking this question when other people ask you for advice, your charisma will grow, your advice will be better, and I will have done my job.

I don’t know if we can generalize every single advice-asking situation, but there are two commonalities in enough of them that they’re worth mentioning:

• First, the person asking for the advice probably has a lot more information and experience with whatever they’re asking about. You’re the one running the company. Or else, you’re the one in the relationship, or the one who will have to execute the decision. I’m just the interested outsider whose perspective you hope might help.
• Second, giving advice can be like navigating a minefield. Sometimes, you’re not sure the other person really wants to hear what you’d suggest. Sometimes, you suspect there’s something they hope you will advise them to do that you’re not really sure about.

Either way, asking, “What do you think you should do?” in almost any advice-giving situation puts the focus on the other person, and establishes your role as more of a sounding board than an ultimately responsible problem solver.

The question works because people with high emotional intelligence realize that if you do wind up helping the other person come up with an interesting thing to try, they’ll remember the feeling of communicating with you, maybe even more than the specific result.

And that leads to greater likability.

2. WHAT OTHER FACTS WOULD HELP YOU TO MAKE A DECISION?

People make decisions for emotional reasons all the time.

• Why did you go to graduate school? Mainly because I wanted my parents to be proud of me.
• Why did you date that “bad match” for so long? I didn’t realize I deserved better, and I didn’t want to cause hurt feelings.
• Why do you continue producing that one product with a limited profit margin? Because we’ve put so much into developing it, it would feel like defeat if we quit.

Asking, “What other facts would help you to make a decision?” encourages people to separate information from emotion, and it does so in a way that doesn’t sound accusatory.

Maybe they’ll come up with questions they should ask. Or, maybe they’ll find that their thought process is stymied, and you might eventually help them realize that if a lack of facts isn’t blocking their decision-making process, then some kind of non-fact-based issue likely is.

Regardless, this question puts the focus on their experience—not yours, at least not at first—and has a good likelihood of leading them toward a compelling decision. Later, they’ll likely remember how helpful your questions were in reaching that point.

3. HOW DO YOU THINK YOU WOULD FEEL IF YOU DECIDED TO DO X?

This question explicitly recognizes our shared human condition: intelligent, emotional beings who are driven by many factors and have complex needs.

Asking, “How do you think you’ll feel?” is a softer, gentler, more personal way of asking, “What do you think will happen?”

• If I get my advanced degree, I’ll have mixed feelings. (Why?) Because I’ll be proud, but I still won’t know what to do next.
• If I break up with my significant other, I’ll be sad but maybe hopeful. (Why?) Because I’ll be alone, but I also think maybe we’re both better off with someone else.
• If we stop producing that product, I’ll be a bit nervous, but I think I’ll also feel free and invigorated to try something new.

If you’re the person who can help someone plan a path to achieve positive emotions, they’ll likely remember you positively for it. And, people with high emotional intelligence also understand that this question’s bonus punch is that it communicates that you do, in fact, care about their feelings.

AND SO ON . . .

These questions are just a starting point. They’re fantastic if you’re not sure what to say next, and as a reminder to keep the focus on the other person’s situation; not to overwhelm the conversation with opinions. But of course there are more than just three variations.

As I write in my free e-book, 9 Smart Habits of People with Very High Emotional Intelligence, the real trick is to make sure that when you’re in this situation, your default becomes to ask questions, and to make it easier for the other person to figure out his or her own solution.

You’ll give better advice, and you’ll become more charismatic in the process.

This article originally appeared on Inc.com and is reprinted with permission.