I often say that feedback is a gift but, let’s face it: that isn’t always the case. When feedback is given with clarity and specificity, as a two-way conversation, and with the intention to help the receiver succeed, it’s invaluable.

But too often, people get feedback that they don’t know what to do with, lost in terms they don’t understand, terms such as: executive presence.

The most common definition I found for executive presence (yes, I had to look it up) is the ability to inspire confidence, a quality that most would agree, is critical to leadership. No many understand this definition however, including those using the term in their feedback.

Instead, executive presence is employed as some sort of “I know it when I see it” catch-all for a variety of skills and behaviors, such as being confident, speaking up in meetings, and looking or dressing differently. While these traits may lead one to “inspire confidence,” we should be aware that they may also reflect something else entirely.

The term executive presence is vague and misunderstood at best, and at worst, masks our own biases of how we think a leader ought to act, look, or be, which often, is more like us.

By accepting our bias toward conformity, we may be limiting the benefit of diversity on our teams, and in using a term lacking specificity, inhibiting our curiosity about what may really be going on.

In the 2022 Women in the Workplace Report from McKinsey and LeanIn.Org, a senior manager who is a white LGBTQ+ woman, is quoted as saying:

“As I was progressing through my career, people kept telling me I needed to have executive presence.’And what they really meant was I needed to look the part. I needed to have the right clothing; I needed to look feminine enough. That was always a challenge for me because I didn’t follow the typical feminine dress code.”

In my own career, as a senior leader on a male-dominated leadership team, I was also told I needed more executive presence. In this case, my lack of executive presence was to blame for my not speaking up more in leadership team meetings, despite an acknowledgement of my expertise. No one questioned why I didn’t speak up more. Was it really that I lacked executive presence or that in that environment, I didn’t feel psychologically safe?

Many clients I coach come to me wanting to work on their executive presence. When I ask them what that means, they are equally confused and unsure of how to address it. They just know that they’ve been told they need more of it. To ask their managers for more clarity is to risk confirming their manager’s negative feedback, so it is incumbent on the provider to be specific and clear.

I am not suggesting that executive presence isn’t a valid leadership quality. To the contrary, as I’ve stated, it is critical. What I am saying is that its definition should not be left up to interpretation as too often, it is. Instead, I suggest is that before you tell someone that they need more executive presence, you do these three things.

EXAMINE YOUR BIASES

Ensure that what you are suggesting needs improvement conforms to the definition of inspiring confidence, rather than your definition of what a leader might look or sound like. (Do they really need to dress differently to inspire confidence?)

BE CRYSTAL CLEAR

If you use the term executive presence in your feedback conversations, define it for the receiver so that there is no question as to what you mean, and provide specific examples of steps they might take to do better.

GET CURIOUS

Feedback is a two-way conversation so be sure to ask questions of the person you are working with. Make sure you understand where they are coming from and that any potential challenges they are having relative to executive presence, are not coming from the culture of the team or organization.

As you head into your performance reviews, or even more frequent 1:1s, think about how you can make your feedback a gift. Be clear and provide examples, ensure the conversation is two-way, and that your intention is to help the other person grow and succeed. Then, put a bow on it and tell them what they are great at and watch their executive presence flourish.