“Oh, snap! Why didn’t I think to say that!”

You know the feeling. The perfect repartee takes form in your mind just a little too late to do any good. You could have brilliantly punctured your antagonist’s argument or pulled the rug out from under his position. But now the moment is lost.

The French have a term for it:  L’esprit de l’escalier, or staircase wit. The ideal response that comes to you when you’re already down the stairs and out the door.

Most of the time, the stakes aren’t high. Sure, it feels good to land a zinger, but there are no lasting consequences to your delayed bolt of inspiration.

On the other hand, what about those times when a really bad idea gains traction solely because of its passionate presentation? How much damage might you avert if you could frame a compelling counterargument before the proposal wins acceptance and everyone else is down the stairs?

When stories of scandal or the fallout from wrongheaded business decisions hit the headlines, when reports of brazen ethical lapses or breathtakingly poor judgment fill the airways, we roll our eyes, shake our heads in wonder, and ask ourselves: “What were they thinking?”

Even worse is when we get caught up in entanglements of our own making only to discover that the light at the end of the tunnel is a freight train bearing down on us. It’s often too late when we finally ask ourselves: “What was I thinking?”

If only someone had challenged us in the moment and brought us back to our senses. If only we had felt confident and articulate enough to challenge others.

If only.

That’s why we all stand to benefit from this week’s listing in the Ethical Lexicon:

Sciamachy (sci·am·a·chy/ sahy-am-uh-kee) noun

Sham fighting for exercise or practice; argument or conflict with an imaginary opponent.

There’s a more familiar term for it: role-playing. We use it to prepare for job interviews, to train for debates, to help us with sales calls, to make us feel self-assured on dates. So why not use the same techniques to prepare ourselves for confronting ethical and moral challenges that inevitably arise in work and in life?

That’s the question Brooke Deterline looked to answer when she founded Courageous Leadership, LLC. Deterline doesn’t merely apply her training in philosophy and conflict resolution to mediate others’ disagreements. Her mission is to “help people develop the understanding and skills to act with ethical courage and ingenuity to overcome complex challenges.”

HOW TO PREPARE

We fail to address unethical decisions for a variety of reasons: we’re caught off guard, we expect someone else to speak up, we’re intimidated by the individual or the crowd, or we don’t want to appear aggressive or confrontational. Often, we simply lack confidence in our own ability to respond.

The obvious answer is preparation. Whether we call it sciamachy, shadowboxing, or role-playing, the idea is to put ourselves in hypothetical situations when the stakes are low, so we’ll have both the courage and the skills at hand when the time comes to speak up. Through practice, we can develop our mental-muscle memory, so our responses become more instinctive, more natural, and more effective.

I could have used Deterline’s training a dozen years ago, when an ally blindsided me at a strategy meeting. He took the idea we had crafted together and inflated it into a grandiose vision that couldn’t possibly succeed. But his passion ignited the excitement of others, and the unexpected direction of his proposal so back-footed me that I failed to come up with an equally powerful response.

The team accepted his idea. The meeting adjourned amidst high hopes. And nothing ever came of it.

Long after the damage was done and the moment was lost, I finally formulated a simple rebuttal that might have deflated his proposal and dramatically changed the trajectory of the future. By then, of course, everyone had disappeared down the stairs and was long gone.

REDISCOVER DIALOGUE

Yes, it is scary to speak up, and it’s complicated trying to balance diplomacy, clarity, and passion. That’s precisely why we need to practice getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.

The benefits are self-evident. Imagine if our political leaders engaged in civil debate rather than attacking, name-calling, posturing, and grandstanding. Imagine if our school boards practiced constructive disagreement and respectfully addressed parents’ concerns rather than bullying or deceiving them. It’s encouraging the former NFL linebacker Emmanuel Acho has gained positive notoriety by making Uncomfortable Conversations more comfortable.

And although we may not have enough influence to change society, we can change the way we engage our own people in the workplace. Bosses and managers can implement programs that encourage and train employees to ask questions, raise concerns, and offer suggestions. Open conversation automatically creates a culture of transparency, trust, and collaboration.

BECOME THE VOICE OF REASON

Sound decision-making is a matter of ethics even when no laws are being broken. Imagine if someone had argued more eloquently against the merger of Daimler and Chrysler, against the union of AOL and Time Warner, against the acquisition of Snapple by Quaker. No doubt, they all seemed like good ideas at the time. Yet they were all unqualified failures.

Even more so, imagine if someone at Wells Fargo had articulated the danger of unrealistic sales goals, if stronger voices had spelled out the likely outcome of subprime mortgages before the 2008 economic meltdown, if a single executive at Southwest had illustrated the inevitable consequences of an antiquated computer system before the massive snafu last December.  Think of all the disasters that, if only for a well-spoken voice of reason in the right place at the right time, we never would have heard of because they never would have happened.

Wouldn’t you like to have been that voice of reason?  Wouldn’t you love to make sure there’s a voice of reason to speak up the next time you need to hear from one?

A little shadowboxing never hurt anyone.